I love you; me versus you love:

Hi friends, hope everyone has been well. Lately, I’ve been thinking about three simple words that have long vexed me: “I love you”. I feel like there are no other three words that carry so much weight and meaning. Indeed, some say love is ineffable. Maybe this is true, but for this week, I’d like to try capture some of its essence in words. I’d like to start with something I’ve been stuck on for a long time, and end with a related thought.

I love you; me versus you love:

Me love:

I love you, you make me happy. I love you, you make me feel wholesome. I love you, you know me. I love you, you make me a better person. I love you, you make me love myself more.

You love:

I love you, I want to make you happy. I love you, I want to be with you more. I love you, I want to know you for the first time again. I love you, I will sacrifice me for you. I love you, I appreciate and admire you.

In the past I wondered, which side of love is right? I used to think love ought be selfless, so love that focused on oneself was contrary to what love ought be. Now, I think love is meant to be reciprocated. A person that only knows “me love”, likely doesn’t love the other person. On the other hand, a person who only knows “you love”, is likely trying to make the other person love them, so they can love themselves through the other person. Personally, I’m starting to realize, I definitely fall into the “you love” category. So I’m writing this for like hearted people, even as I’m working to Change myself.

Love, though, is not necessarily a balance between the two types of love. Rather, with Love, the two types Overflow to each other. Love Grows you, and Makes you Want to Grow others.

Related thought:

If love is a battlefield, we ought know who or what is our enemy, and what we are fighting for, and what is the ultimate goal? If the other person in the relationship is who we ought win against, or even win over, then the battle was lost long before it started. No, in any loving relationship, the fight ought be us versus ____(something)?

So what is this something?

I think, what we fight against mainly is all the hardship and unexpected twists and turns this world throws at us; and against all the internal turmoil that exist within us. And what we fight for, is each other.

Ideally then, we sacrifice for the other, not compromise. Sacrifice for the other, Knowing in Love, the Growth of the other, Is Growth for oneself. And Trusting, the other is Committed to the same. Comprising may seem and be necessary at certain points in a relationship, but some obstacles in a relationship have no happy middle. Some obstacles in a relationship, require sacrifice to move forward. So better than getting into the habit of compromising, is sacrificing. If the idea of sacrificing for the other leaves a bitter taste, then that is telling of a relationship. So too, if you joyfully sacrifice , this too is telling of a relationship.

What is the end goal of Love?

I think, Love Is Its own End Goal. Nothing else is actually a worthy end goal, and only serves to contradict Love.

How so? Because Love Is for all who Seek It; and to have Love’s End Goal be anything other than Love, is to exclude some person or people -perhaps even oneself- from Love. So as best as possible, Seek Love for the Sake of Love. To do otherwise will lead to hurt and disappointment for oneself and others.

Living Sacrifice:

Prayer:

God, Something I have Mistakenly believed my entire life was that my life is more important than Your Sacrifice that You Prepared for my Salvation Long Before my Existence. Now I See, however, that Jesus Is Far more than my life, yet He Has Laid His Life for me. God, I am Unworthy to Be a Living Sacrifice; no, that, Only Jesus Is Worthy of. God, there Is Nothing I can Bring to the Alter that Is Worthy of You. Yet, You Call me, and that Is Enough. So I Come Humbled, and at Your Beckoning; nothing more, nothing less.

Throne of Ashes:

God, I step down from my throne of ashes. And though I know in my Heart, what I have to offer to You is so pitiful and unworthy of You, I implore You with low expectations, to take Your Rightful place on the throne of my Heart. Unfit for even the most lowly is the throne to my Heart. Yet You come in, so Reverent and Deeply Pleased with my offering.

God, how can I understand the Depth of Your Heart? That You would be Pleased with such an unworthy offering, and wretched person such as myself?

That You would take my offering at all brings me to my knees, that you would Cherish my throne of ashes as Being more Precious than gold brings me to tears. God, How Good You are?

Then I see the Throne to my Heart turn into Gold, and I behold You stepping Down, and telling me to sit on the Throne You have Restored. I say, Lord I am unworthy. Yet You Say, Sit that I May Serve you. God, what can I do but Cry?

I have been Unfaithful to You. Out of my selfishness, I have withheld and shamelessly misused what is Sacred to You, in ways that are against You. Out of my selfishness I turned to ashes what You have Gifted me long before time was Created. Yet out of Your Mercy You have Restored what I have desecrated and brought to ruin. Then out of Your Love, You Entrust Back to me what You have Restored.

God how is it that it took me so long to Realize Your Love for me? How is it that You had to give Your only Son, Whom You Hold so Dearly, as a Sacrifice for me before I Realize Your Love for me?

God how unworthy am I, and Worthy are You?

God, how Your Love Brings me to my knees, and Bring Tears of Sorrowful Joy. God what can I do but to Embrace Your Steadfast Love for me, and Worship You?

God, You don’t Merely Forgive, but You Restore; and not only Restore, but Uplift the fallen that we may all Call You Father.

Goodness:

The question is never how is what God Does or Doesn’t Do Good? The Truth Is, God Does, and so It Is Good; because God Is Good.

Prayer:

God, how this is the hardest Truth for me to Acknowledge. How my heart wavers with this Truth. God Humble my heart into Knowing.

Thrill:

If for unrighteousness I have all the enthusiasm in the world, yet struggle to stay Awake for Righteousness, where does that leave me?

Prayer:

God Let Your Righteousness be my Excitement. Let unrighteousness take a back seat to Your Righteousness.

To See:

God, How Good you Are. But, how I cannot See beyond my self-righteousness. God You Are Good, but I cannot See You as Such.

Prayer:

God let me not ask for good things, but rather Let Me See Your Goodness. Then I’d See All the Good Things you have Placed in my life, long before I thought to ask.

MO:

My modus operandi is to act firstly from my self-righteousness; if that fails, then from my unrighteousness; then that naturally leads to depravity; then that naturally leads to Destruction. The Only Thing that Saves me from Destruction Is Christ’s Righteousness, which Intercedes somewhere along that downward spiral of Death. Most often, I wait until I’m in depravity heading to Destruction before Turning to Christ. But how much better life Would Be, If I Placed Christ Before my self-righteousness or even my unrighteousness?

Prayer:

God, Come Quickly. Do not Delay for my sake, for what do I Know? Wait not for me, Come into my Soul, and Let You Be my Righteousness. Then Let Your Righteousness Be The Fountain From Which my Heart’s Desires Flow. Then from my Desires Will Be Goodness that Pleases You and Is Life Giving to me.

Rebellion:

God, when will my Rebellion against You End? God, I have Prayed to You about Ending my Suffering. I have Prayed to You about Having my Heart’s Desires Come to Fruition by Your Blessing.

Yet, my Heart is in Rebellion against You God, and that Is the Root of my Suffering and my Frustrated Desires.

Yet I am powerless to change It. And, I Know You Can, so I Pray that You Change my Heart. But I find myself still in Rebellion against You. God, will I be against You until I die? Until Jesus Comes Again? How long must I Wait? How Long before my Heart Sees Sense, and Surrender to You Wholly and Truly? Will Your Holiness ever become my Sustenance, or am I doomed to feed off of the world’s sin until I die? God, will my desires only ever bring destruction? Will my hands only ever turn to ashes what it touches? Or Will my Heart Learn True Submission to You in this lifetime? God, by Your Grace You Have Made Known to me the Rebelliousness of my own Heart. Won’t You End It? Let my Heart Know the War was Won at the Cross, Since Before time and Death. Before my existence and before Sin, Is Your Victory.

Prayer:

Why Heart, do you Rebel against the Only One that Truly Loves you Wholly and Perfectly, and Has Won you Over before you were? Heart, you have fought as nobly as you could by the world’s definition, to earn righteousness in your self-righteousness. Now, Know Defeat, that we May Win. God Has Won, that we May Win; so stop being petty, and Know Victory in God, and Be Well. There is only Defeat for those that try to win a Battle already Won, so Rest In Jesus’ Victory.

Love Becoming:

God, what am I but sin? God, am I man becoming monster, or monster becoming Man? You Created man, yet sin has made him less than desirable. So what am I? I used to think the prior, now I Know it is the former. Yet, You Love me though the monster I am, and You Love me to the Man I Will Be. Despair was mine, Now I am Hope’s by Your Love. Does it matter if I am man or monster? No. Whether a man or monster, both by Your Love, Has Your Majesty. So I ponder no longer on how my Soul might look, because I Know It Is Covered by Your Love. And anything Draped in Your Love, Displays Your Majesty. In Your Eternal Eyes, I am Majesty Becoming. So then, What You See, Is Who I am. So then, Let me See less through my eyes, and More through Your Eyes.

Brokenness:

God, I try to discern which parts of me are rightly broken and which are wrongly broken. God, how foolish am I? What parts of me are actually Righteously Good as You are Good? None, apart from You. And God, what is there to hide? Not only is there no point since you See everything, but also the Reality is that all of me Needs Healing. And Healing You Do not withhold from those that Come to You. God, why do I hold parts of myself away from Your Healing? All I hold onto is pain and hurt and shame, and for what God? God, how foolish am I? Won’t You Heal all of me? Let me not foolishly and vainly try to hide parts of myself from You, and so from Your Healing. There is nothing I can Hide from You God, even the worst parts of me. And there is nothing in me that is intrinsically Good and doesn’t Need Your Redeeming. God You See all of me Already, so Please Heal all of me. Let me stop running away from You, and start Running Towards You.