Inspiration:

“I Will Bring you through the Impossible. I Will Walk With you and See you through mountains so high, and valleys so low, that you Will Know I Am The One that Brings you through it all. Then, you Will Know I Am With you Beyond any doubt. Then, you Will Be Able to Reach out and Touch Me, as I you. Truly, as It Is Surely, We Will Be Together.”

Prayer:

God, You not only Have Suffered For me, but Suffer With me. Whatever I suffer, You Suffer Doubly for my Sake. First For my Salvation, then Again For my Sanctification. You Don’t Save and Forget, but Suffer On With me Until I Am With You. God, If this doesn’t Turn my Heart, then what Can?

God, You Call me to this Wretched hour. How I Dread it, yet You Call me. So then, what can I Say other than that I am Blessed to Be Here. By Your Will, I am Here. In This Anointed Place, You Deliver me. This death, I Face many times; One Day Soon though, You Will Put to Death death. Life You Anoint to Your Elect. This I Yearn for. God You Delay, yet Your Timing Is Perfect, and More so Is Your Faithfulness. All Time You Bring to You, to Crown Your Elect With Eternal Life. So then Let me Say Amen.

God let me not take Comfort in the fact that I’ve been through worse, but that You See me Through everything.

Whether I win or lose, prevail or die; God, Your Victory Is Certain. God Let my Heart Rest on Your Triumph By Jesus Christ.

God, You Meet me even in my Hell, How Good Are You? Yet, in my suffering You just Sit there. You just Look at me as Hell’s Flame Consumes me. God, I ask for Deliverance, but You just Watch. And in my despair and unbearable loneliness, I ask You for a companion, but I am all alone. Even Nothingness seems to be less lonely than I am. 

But God, what a Fool am I? And How Good You Are? As You Tell me You Love Me for the 77nth time, I Realize You’ve Been Holding my Hand the Entire Time. 

You Have Been Sitting there, Holding my Hand and Keeping me from Death by Your Life. God, You Gave Your Son for me, and You Bear Hell’s Fire for me that I Might Live. God, if this Is Where I am to Come Into Your Love, then Let Hell Tremble at Your Great Love, and Let It Be So. God, How Good Is Your Life Giving Love? Hell cannot Burn Hot enough and Death cannot Kill me fast enough to Overcome Your Love. Right now, they Hurt like… well Hell. But as Your Love Grows in me and I Regenerate Faster by Your Life, I Know the Hurt will Become a Tickle. And then? Nothing, but Joy. God, Bring me to Life by Your Love, so that I can Live for You. Let Hell and Death Tremble at the sight of Your Children, let them Despair Us Covered By Your Glory.

God, as I Empty my self for You, I wonder. Did I make a mistake? Have I been a fool? The world sure seems to think so, Satan surely knows I am. How they mock me. They say, ” you Empty yourself for God, and for what?! What has God given you in return? Have you become a king? Have you gained what you desire? Do you live any better than anyone else? Isn’t your life in fact worse off? Look at your misery, where is God’s Mercy for you?” God, how do I respond? 

God, Indeed. I am Bare. I Hurt. I wonder. Where Is Your Goodness God? My Soul Cries out. My body regrets. Would it not be better to be full of something even if it is of Sin and Destruction, than to be Empty with Nothing? Would I not have been better off submitting my Soul to Satan and have bread and a kingdom, even if they’ll Perish? Rather than Offering my Soul to You,  and for what? 

Prayer:

God, Let Your Goodness Fill me in my Emptiness. God, Stay the voices that mock, ridicule, and belittle me. Let them not make light of Your Promises. God Let Your Love be my portion in life. When other people are glad in their richness, good company, and entertainments, Let me Be Glad in Your Love. God, It Is For Your Love that You Have Emptied me, so then Fill Me with Your Love. God, I have nothing but Your Love, and How Rich I am? In the End of Time, kings Will Come from All Ends of the world to trade for Your Love. Yet, even all their kingdom won’t be worth a drop of Your Love. Your Love Is More than Worth my Life, so I Freely Give It by Your Mercy and Grace, that You May Freely Love me. Your Love for Your Children Is More than the oceans, We Are the Richest of them all. No king on earth, nor Angel Above or Below, Will Know Richness as Your Children Do. God, How Great and Priceless Is Your Love? If only we Knew, then life’s hardships would Truly Be a Joy even as we are now. 

God You Allow for Calamity and Suffering to befall me. You allow me to be well acquainted with Despair. In this state, Death seems a tempting mercy. Yet I say, I Love You. Yet I say, Your Will be Done. But God, how my words are lies. God, though I Know You Are Good and Love, only lies come out of my mouth. My hypocrisy, my distrust towards You, my selfishness, my self-righteousness will never let me Proclaim Your Truth. God Won’t You Make my words Truth, and Make Your Truth my words. 

God You Are Sovereign, and nothing occurs before First Passing through Your Hands. This Suffering that Afflicts me, my self-righteousness can not understand, and can not accept. God, if You Are Good, how can You Allow such things befall Your Children? God, how my self-righteousness longs to Rebel against Your seeming cruelty. God, Stay my self-righteousness. God, Let me Lean into You More in every circumstance. God, Let me Proclaim Your Goodness, even as my self-righteousness vehemently rages against my Soul and Your Love. God, Reveal to me Your Righteousness, that my self-righteousness Will Know There Is None Righteous apart from You. 

When we are brought to our lowest point but can still say God Is Good, then we are at our Highest point. Because when we have nothing else in our lives but wretchedness, but still say God Is Good -we say this not by our own accord or means, but Because God Reveals It to us. It is easy to say God is good when life is going well, or even not bad. But when life gets so hard that death seems to be a mercy, then there is nothing internal or external to us that motivates or allows us to say God Is Good. In these harrowing moments, if we are Truly able to say God Is Good, it is because God Reveals His Goodness to us Truly. To such people, True Blessings Is theirs even on this earth. Those that Learn to Say God Is Good in all conditions of life, Are Truly Blessed. 

Prayer:

God Bring me Low by Your Mercy and Grace, and Reveal to me Your Goodness that Surpasses all knowledge. That I May Truly Be Blessed, and Live for You. To Live for You, Is to Live for me. 

God, You Shatter my legs and tell me to Dance for You. You Crush my throat and tell me to Sing for you. God, how I try to make sense of this, how I fight to See Your Goodness in all this. God, how I Pray to You for an Answer. Yet Your Reply Is Unchanging, “In All things, I Am Sufficient”. God, won’t You Humble me, and Teach my Heart this Truth? Let Your Power Work In me to Dance for You, and Sing for You. God, Let my Heart Forever Know, You Are the Doer in my Life. If my life Glorifies Your Name, You Have Done It. Yet, You so Graciously Clothe me in Your Glory, as if I have Glorified You. Nothing I do Is Deserving of You, yet You Call me, so I do. In Faith I Walk, though I know I don’t have legs to stand on. In Faith I Praise Your Name, though I know I don’t have a voice to sing with. This Faith You Have Given me, I Use for You. Whatever I have in this world or In Faith, Let It Be Worship For You. 

Death I have Walked through, Resurrection I am Living through, Eternal Life I Look Forward to. 

Death:

God, You leave me not just Broken but utterly Destroyed. You Have Thrown me down beyond the deepest depths of Hell. I lay here on the Edge of Oblivion not knowing who or what I am anymore. 

God, am I so despicable that You Seek to Turn to Ashes all of me? God, why Have You Placed me in Darkness that is unbearably and overwhelmingly Deafening? God, how I Pray to You but can’t Hear You. God, am I Deaf? Or have my Prayers been in vain? 

God, all my blood You pour out, but still You Afflict me. My bones You Grind to dust, but still You Afflict me. God, You Crush me to the Brink of Oblivion, yet You Give me neither Life nor Death. God, how I Pray for Deliverance but am Answered only with more Dismay and Despair. God if You Are a God of Mercy and Compassion, won’t You let me out of Your Mind? For what can Exist without Your Knowing? God, if Destruction is my lot in life, if Despair is to be my only friend, won’t You Let me go? God, won’t You Hate me no more, let Your Wrath be against me no more. God, Think of me no more, be not against or for me anymore, that I may be no more. Let me Be what I was before dust and Your Breath Came Together. God, I Know I don’t have Hope apart from You. Yet Despair has become my closest companion the Day I Chose to Seek You. God, Oblivion I have feared since my birth, yet now it seems to be a mercy. God, won’t You let this Tortured Soul be? 

God, how I’ve come to dread receiving Your Love. To receive Your Love is Anguish, to reject It Brings Despair. I am Crushed by two impossible choices.

How I have come to Fear to hope, since Pain and Dismay has been my ultimate reward for hoping. 

God, I have Prayed that You Would Make me Whole, but You Push me towards Nothingness. God, how I have tried and Prayed to Be Whole, but now all of me is undone and scattered. God there is only Enough of me to Make this Prayer to You. 

God Have Mercy on this Remnant of a Soul. If I am to Be then Let me Be, if not then Let it Be so. God Let me Fall into Your Love or Let me Fall into Hell. Either Way, Let me not be torn between the two any Longer. God I am beyond worn, I am close to being no more. I have hoped for Mercy, but now I would settle for Finality. Provide me the Fullness of Your Mercy, which I Know I don’t Deserve. Or Destroy me with Your Wrath, which I Know I Rightly Deserve. But God, let me not be crushed between the two any longer. I have Prayed all my Prayers of Desperation. Now, I Offer a hopeless Prayer of Resignation with whatever of me is left. In Your Son’s Name, Jesus.

Resurrection: 

God, as Despair drowns me and Fear suffocates me, I Breathe You In. God, there Is Nothing to Sustain me Here but You. How Terrifying, yet Freeing It Is to Be Here. I would not wish for anyone else to have to Suffer in this place. Yet, nor do I Wish to have been Spared of this place, though I desperately long to Be Delivered from it. For then I would not Have You as I do now. God Be the air I Breathe, for apart from You there Is Nothing that Sustains Life.  

Eternal Life:

God You Have Delivered me from Hell’s Gate, and Walked me through the Jaws of Death to Your Kingdom. My Broken Bones and Scars Bear Witness to the Cost of Life. Yet Your Son Has Paid the Ultimate Price, without a Single Bone Broken. God, as weariness fades into Joy, as disappointment Gives Way to Eternal Hope and Satisfaction, I can’t help but Marvel at Your Love and Grace. 

God, as I Approach Heaven’s Gate, I think back and wonder was it all worth it? 

Yet as I Step Closer to the Gate of Your Kingdom, and Your Radiance Envelopes me More and More -I struggle to remember the question. Then, As The Gates Open Wide and I Bask in Your Glory, I Am Made Whole. What was life? I don’t Know. But, Now? I Know Life. 

To Enjoy God’s Glory Truly, Is to Know Why life was never Wholly and Truly Satisfying.